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Left-Leaning Woman Somehow Able To Function, Feed Herself

 ITHACA, NY- It was reported today that Jenny Rodriguez, a left-leaning Democrat living here in Ithaca, somehow has the ability to function and feed herself. "I always thought that only Republicans could live and take care of themselves," said Thomas McCarthy, a Republican. "Plus, she's a woman. What the fuck?"

Not only does Rodriguez have a job and eat three meals a day, but she also has hobbies, a family, and bathes on the regular. She has friends that she spends time with every week, and even takes care of her three children. It is at this time unknown how a liberal could have achieved all this.