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Jesus To Christians: What The FUCK Makes You Think I Would Support This Douchebag?!

 NEW YORK- Jesus made a surprise appearance on Earth today to ask the world's Christians what in holy hell would make them think that He would support Donald Trump. "Blessed are the meek... yeah, that guy's really meek," the world's savior said of the vain man who puts his own stupid name on everything. "Making fun of a disabled reporter? Inciting a coup because he didn't win a free and fair election? Grabbing women by the pussy? Befriending a statutory rapist? Sneaking peeks at naked women in a pageant dressing room? Calling Nazis "very fine people?" Befriending a dictator? Teargassing peaceful protesters to take a fake-ass photoshoot holding a Bible? Does any of this stuff sound like something I would do? The man couldn't even name his favorite part of the Bible in an interview, so he just said, "It's personal." Really?! You're not fooling anybody! Or, I guess you apparently are. Holy crap." At press time, Jesus told everyone not to even get Him started on the pee thing.

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