New Novel All Adjectives

Warner Bros. Appeases 'IT' Fans Who Want Supercut Of Both Films By Releasing Supercut Of Both Trailers

Everything Man Ever Says Misunderstood

Area Man Has Disgusting Little Ritual in Which he Sits on a "Toilet" and Expels Waste from His Body

Area Man Sentenced to Life in Prison for Multiple Murders, Immediately Bringing His Victims Back to Life and Providing All the Necessary Closure for Their Families and Friends

Man Donates All His Old Tattoos to Goodwill

Honey Wastes Bunch of Money Advertising on Clippers Jerseys as if Anyone Going to See it

Women: Hot or Not? We Speak to Four Men in West Hollywood Who Said, "Not"

Women: When Will They Stop Bitching About Everything?

Nation's Marys: "Stop Putting Our Name in Front of Literally Any Other Name"

 "No More Mary Janes, Mary Graces, Mary Beths..." Demand Frustrated Women

Iguanas: Hot or Not?

 

Only Time Man Ever Center of Attention at His Funeral

Local Catholic Church Sure Is Doing a Lot of Sitting, Standing

Area Christian Likes to Spread God's Hate Everywhere He Goes

Man Finally Buys Enough to Fill Hole in Heart

Auburn Voted Down to No. 2 in AP Poll After Not Fulfilling Campaign Promises

Caitlin Clark Not That Impressive Considering She Plays Against a Bunch of Girls

 

New Version of 'Deal or No Deal' In Which Every Case Holds a Million Dollars Somehow Not as Intriguing

Nation Undecided Over Whether It More Annoying to Put "The" In Front of Something's Title or to Unnecessarily Make a Store's Name Possessive

California "Full of Crazies," says Local Mom

Pistons, Magic Try to Make Trade in Middle of Night While Adam Silver Asleep

Lakers Fans Not Disappointed With This Season so far At All

 "No Way Should a Team With 5 Future Hall-of-Famers be Better Than Five Games Under .500 or 9th Place in the West," say Contented Fans. "This Team Is Missing Absolutely Nothing."

Football Championship Game, or "Super Bowl", to be Played at Same Time as Annual Advertising Extravaganza

 "Some Will Even Watch Just for the Football," Say Officials

Guy Who Routinely Lets People Walk All Over Him Described Simply as "Nice"

Peng Shuai Says She Couldn't Have Been Sexually Abused by Chinese Official Because China a Perfect Country, Free from All Kinds of Evil, and a True Beacon of Democracy... Yes, a Beacon of Democracy... Yes...

Lakers' Injury Problems Revealed to be Work of Celtic Fan with Bunch of Voodoo Dolls

People Without Earlobes: What the Fuck?

Game Show Slammed for Lack of Character Development

Inventor of Fast-Food Cup Lid with Little Buttons on Top Bemoans Fact That Product Rarely Used to Its Full Potential

Kid At Movie Loudly Repeating Every Line Characters Say And Laughing

Crap Given

Hut Outpizza'd

 

Area Woman Who Only Knows Of Los Angeles What Is On NBA League Pass Thinks Town Overridden With Carl's Jr., Jack In The Box Locations

Man Can Tell Funko Pop Fake Because It Has No Paint Flaws