Area Man Isn't So Much Republican As He Is Anti-Democrat

Area Man Isn't So Much Democrat As He Is Anti-Republican

Republicans Block Domestic Terrorism Prevention Bill Because Of Course They Did

Indian Woman Receives Phone Call From Telemarketer Who Obviously American

 "No Way His Name Is Aasif," Says Woman

Heavenly Sources: Founding Fathers "Really Regret" 2nd Amendment

Area Man's Bumper Sticker Expresses His Nuanced "Stand Up Or Leave" Anthem Stance

Our National Obsession With Guns: Could It Turn Tragic?

Man Eschews Idea For Recreational Activity After Realizing It Involves Neither TV Nor The Internet

Tucker Carlson: Trump A Hero, "Like Hitler"

Christopher Nolan To Direct New Film No One Can Understand

Report: Melania First Ever "First Sugar Baby" Of US

New Movie Theaters Feature Giant Mirrors In Place Of Screens As Moviemakers Desperate For New Ideas

 "You Are The Movie!" Exclaim Strapped-for-cash Moviemakers

Thunder Relieved To Not Win Draft Lottery Because They Know They Can't Be Trusted With Success

Republicans Claim "Donald Trump" A Hoax Created By Liberals To Make Donald Trump Look Bad

Newscast Criticized For Lack Of Cohesive Storyline

Report: Every Decade Ever Described As "These Crazy Times We Live In"

SportsCenter Anchor Man Never Heard Of Must Be New

Man Believed Footage In Commercial Was Genuine Until He Saw Unmarked Cola Cans

Milwaukee-Area Man Accidentally Yells, "Go Pack Go!" Instead Of "Go Bucks Go!" At Bucks Playoff Game

Area Man's Only Reason For Getting Peacock The Desire To Watch 'Firestarter' Naked At Home

Area Woman's Favorite Nicole Kidman Movie The AMC Theatres Intro

Miami Heat 10 Millionth Team Ever To Play 7 Games In A 7-Game Span

Nation's Dogs Demand More Things That Squeak

Report: Everybody Just Wants Tom Brady To Fuck The Fuck Off

Report: Every US Soldier A Hero, And You're The Worst Person Ever If You Don't Think So

Southern US Attempts To Have Name Removed From Southern California

Area Man Having Trouble Following Storyline Of "Jackass Forever"

New 9/11 Conspiracy Theory Posits That Wonder Woman Hit North Tower With Her Invisible Jet First

Casting For Every Single Movie Ever Made Done By Rich Delia, CSA

Spanking To Hurt Child Worse Than It Does Parent

Woman Named "Melissa," Pronounces It "Rachel"

Supreme Court Rules Abortion Legal, As Long As It's Not A Pregnancy You're Aborting

Benedict Cumberbatch Falls Asleep Halfway Through Hosting 'Saturday Night Live'

Man Bursts Into Local AT&T Store Demanding To Meet Lily

"No Son Of Mine's Gonna Have Long Hair Like A Hippie," Says Christian Man Stepping In Front Of Portrait Of Jesus Christ

1776 Freestyle Rapper Owns Slave

Chris Paul Just Openly Running Around Punching People In The Nuts Now

Complete Pansy Expresses Emotion

Woman In Absurdist Weight Watchers Ad: "It Was The Last Thing I Tried... Because I Died The Next Day!"

New Mental Health Initiative Aimed At Helping Teens Recover From Trauma Of Graduating High School, Having Their Whole Lives End

Strange Baby Born With "Vagina" Right Where His Penis Should Be

'Family Feud' Editors Realize They Would Have To Scrap Entire Episode In Order To Make Steve Harvey Look Less Stupid

Area Muslim Worried About Second-Hand Christianity After Befriending Local Christ-Follower

Atheist Martyr Killed For Refusing To Denounce Belief In Nothing

Conservative 10-Year-Old: "Water Guns Don't Squirt People. People Squirt People."

Murderer, Police, Friends And Family Of Deceased All Astonished After Gunfire Kills Man: "But Guns Don't Kill People!"

Being Gay Ultimately Determined To Be Choice One Makes When They Go To Prison