WASHINGTON- It's chaos around the world today, as OCD sufferer's collective fears and anxieties, or "obsessions," have started coming true.
"I didn't turn my kitchen light on and off five times when I left the house this morning, and now my mom is dead!" exclaimed local man Pete McCaffrey, 41. "I didn't think anything would happen! Nothing usually does. But now... now I see that my thoughts weren't bluffing all along! Now I see the horror that is my obsessions."
According to local woman Alicia Silverspoon, she didn't check the lock on her door ten times as she left for work this morning, and came back after work to find her cat dead.
Other people have even experienced death for themselves.
One man, Steve Curtis, had his soul immediately taken down to Hell after he refused to button and unbutton his shirt 20 times.
"We are the obsessions, and we are here to bring death upon the earth!" said a disembodied spirit. "We are the ones who put those fears and anxieties into people's minds. We were just waiting for the perfect time to bring our plans to fruition. We had to lull people to sleep and make them think that OCD obsessions were lies, until we were finally ready to reveal ourselves to the world!"
At press time, holy crap, my parents just died.
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