ALL OVER THE COUNTRY- Joy is the mood of the times here in the U.S., as the new president-elect Barack Obama is reportedly going to solve all of the nation's problems by himself and make the U.S. a joyous utopia of happiness and prosperity. "Obama's gonna help pay off my mortgage, and my car, and take care of my babies, and everything!" said Angela Smith, 26. "This is the best moment of my life!"
In addition to solving the nation's economic crises, the new president is also expected to end the war in peace, capture Osama Bin Laden, bring our troops back home safely, fix Social Security, improve our nation's schools, bring an end to war and violence in general, and eradicate racism forever. "I can't wait for Obama to take office," said Pittsburgh-area man Joe Libtenkoff, 29. "He's gonna solve all of my problems." Lincoln, Nebraska native Judith Hormonie, 32, also echoed similar sentiments. "Obama's gonna help pay my mortgage, get my children better education, pay off my car, bring my son back from the war, give me a raise, lower gas prices, help me clean up around the house, improve my marriage, walk my dog, feed my baby, improve my sex life, clean my house, and wash the car," he said. "And the bathroom could use some cleaning. I can't wait for this great man to become president."
Perhaps Los Angeles-area woman Rianna Richardson said it best: "Oh my gosh! I love him! I LOVE HIM!!! Obama is so amazing! I'm so glad he's finally president! Oh, wow!!! (sniff) Oh, thank the Lord! This is the happiest moment of my life! Oh, thank you, Obama, so much for coming here! Oh, thank you! Thank you!" she said as she broke into tears and dropped to her knees in joy. "I love you, Obama! I LOVE YOU!!!"
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