Ask A Struggling Stand-Up Comedian

by Ron Davie

Dear Struggling Stand-Up Comedian,

My dad just had a messy divorce. He seems really down right now. I don't think I've ever seen him like this! I don't like it. How can I lift his spirits a little?

- Concerned in Carolina

Dear Concerned,

How y'all doin' tonight? Good? Good, good. How about that weather, huh? What is it with weather, anyway? I mean, it's like stuff that comes out of the sky! I mean, think about it! It's just kinda weird, you know? I mean, it's... yeah. (Clears throat). So, um, what about that movie?

Dear Struggling Stand-Up Comedian,

I have a friend whom I like as a person very much. However, he seems to think that something more is going on between us. How can I get him to realize that I just want to be friends without hurting his feelings?

-Just A Friend in Jacksonville

Dear Just,

So what's the deal with airline food? I mean, it's just normal peanuts with the word, 'Southwest', on the bag. It's kinda funny when you think about it. I mean, it's just... No? Okay, um... Well, what about those Democrats? I mean, what the heck? Umm... yeah.

Dear Struggling Stand-Up Comedian,

I love my boyfriend, but I'm confused. He wants to have sex, but I wanted to save it for marriage. Should I get into bed with him? Or should I call the relationship off?

-Torn in Toledo

Dear Torn,

So I was walkin' down the street today, and I saw this man. And this man, he had a shirt on. Yeah, good thing he had a shirt on, right? But no, he had a shirt on that said, 'Vote for Pedro.' And I'm just standin' there, thinkin', "Who's this Pedro dude? Didn't we already have the elections? And I thought it was between Barack and John. Is this some kind of third-party dude? And is he from Mexico?" You know? Cuz I didn't know what his shirt meant. Yeah.

Dear Struggling Stand-Up Comedian,

Ever since I've moved out, my dad has called me about three times a day! He always wants to go out to eat or wants to check on me or something. I appreciate that he's concerned about me, but he's being too overprotective! How can I let him know this without hurting his feelings?

-Wanting Independence in Washington

Dear Wanting,

Wait! Where is everybody going? Why are you leaving? No, wait! Don't leave! Come back! Wait! No! Wait! Um, ha... I'll be in Cleveland next we- hey! Why are you throwing tomatoes at me? Wait! No! Please! Wait!

Ron Davie is a struggling stand-up comedian whose weekly advice column, Ask A Struggling Stand-Up Comedian, runs in over 700 million newspapers nationwide.