Women Can Either Be More Attractive or Smarter Than Man, But Not Both

HOUSTON, TX- According to sources, local man Jake Boushemy lets the women in his life be either more attractive or smarter than him, but not both.
"Jake has always been threatened by women who are smarter than him, at least if they're also better-looking," explained Boushemy's sister, Maria, whom Boushemy refuses to talk to, given her status as a reasonably attractive and well-educated woman.
According to family sources, all of the females in Boushemy's circle are either hot and dumb as rocks, or ugly and sharp as a tack.
"He brought a girl around here the other day who was fine as hell, but then she opened her mouth, and, well, let's just say she wasn't Einstein," reported Boushemy's friend, Josh Hornsby, referring to Emily, a girl Jake had been dating who believed that the answer to 2 plus 2 is 22.
Sources told The Newz that all of Boushemy's female friends were ugly and smart, however, all of his girlfriends had been extremely attractive and dumb as heck.
"Patricia, Melanie, Sarah, Rose... all dumb as fuck," Hornsby reported.
According to his sister, Boushemy once had a girlfriend who was both smart and sexually attractive, yet broke it off after realizing that she had gotten a higher score on the ACT than him.
Boushemy was once enthralled by a girl he met in a sixth-grade spelling bee, sources said. However, after she beat him in the academic competition, he decided not to pursue her.
"I don't need that bitch in my life," Boushemy reportedly said at the time. "I'm smarter than her anyways!"
When approached for comment, Boushemy's current girlfriend marveled at the microphone in front of her and asked if it was a robot penis.