I Don't See What Black Guys See In Black Women

By Jeffrey Jacobs
White Guy

Okay, look. I'm a normal guy, right? I'm not crazy. I have good taste in the fairer sex, right? I'm down with the ladies. I like 'em. But, you see, something's kinda confusing me. The thing is- I don't see what black guys see in black women.
It's just, you know, black women just don't seem as hot to me as white or Latina or Asian women. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just me, but I just don't see it. I mean, sure, they've got big booties. But, I mean- I don't know. It's just not doin' it for me.
Now, you African-American ladies out there- don't take this as me being against you or something. I like y'all as people. It's just, when it comes to looks- you're just not hitting the spot.
And look, there are some black ladies that are hot. I mean, there are exceptions just like with any other rule. But for the most part, that's just not the case.
But I guess that's why black guys always try to get the white girls, huh? And is it just me, or do black guys always go after white girls with blonde hair? I mean, I can understand- blondes are hot. But why not brunettes? Dirty blondes? Redheads? Oh, wait- don't even get me started on redheads.

Report: No One Even Knew WNBA Finals Was Going On

YPSILANTI, MI- The WNBA's Detroit Shock beat the Silver Stars of San Antonio, 76-60, on Sunday, to complete a 3-0 sweep and win the WNBA Finals, an event no one even knew was going on.
"Oh, the WNBA Finals just ended," remarked Los Angeles native Bill Johnson, after seeing a headline about it on espn.com while checking his fantasy football team. "That's cool, I guess... I didn't even know they were on."
In an online poll, 79% of the voters responded to the question, "Who will win the WNBA Finals?" with, "Is that on?" 20% responded, "That's, like, hockey or something, right?" 1% said, "Ohio State."
The playoffs, which began September 18, went by largely unnoticed in the public eye. From the Silver Stars' semifinals triumph over the Sacramento Monarchs, to the New York Liberty's series win over the Connecticut Sun, sports fans around the country were too focused on college football to even be aware of the playoffs. ESPN had originally planned to air the Finals, but then decided not to, saying it would not get good enough ratings.
Part of the reason for the public's ignorance is the fact that the WNBA decided not to advertise the Finals or the playoffs.
"We just decided it wouldn't be worth it," WNBA Commissioner Donna Orender said.
"We've done that before, and we still haven't managed a blip in the ratings. We figured it wouldn't have made a difference anyway."
The Nielsen ratings were the lowest they've ever been, while attendance at the games also suffered, mostly because people didn't know there were any games to watch or go to.
"If I had known, I would have watched maybe, like, a quarter of a game or something. Maybe," Johnson said.
Orender was just happy people actually watched.
"Honestly, I'm surprised," she said. "I didn't think anybody would watch, just because they didn't even know about it."
As of press time, it is believed that the only reason people actually knew about the Finals before they were over was because they flipped by it while waiting for Matlock to come on.

Local Dentist's Office Finds Success In New "Your Teeth Are So Disgustingly Yellow And Gross It Makes Me Wanna Barf" Advertising Campaign

MONTGOMERY, AL- Locally-owned dentist's office, "Smiling Stars", has reported phenomenal increases in revenue today, following the release of its new, "Your Teeth Are So Disgustingly Yellow And Gross It Makes Me Wanna Barf", advertising campaign.
"Why didn't we think of this before?", Dr. Stan Richards, Dds, said. "We've never had this many people come in before! It's like a dream come true!"
The campaign, which features billboards boldly proclaiming, "You know what? Your teeth are so disgusting, it makes me wanna barf looking at them. It's gross. Your teeth are so yellow, I thought you had replaced them with banana peels and corn. Yeah, I can't come up with good insults. But anyway. Yeah, they're that disgusting. You should really get them checked out, because they're so gross. And your breath smells like a freakin' wet dog, you sicko. You're a total loser. You're a sicko, you freakin' weirdo. Geek," and, "Don't ever smile at me again, you freak. It's disgusting," debuted last month, and the dentist's office that produced them has already seen a 40% increase in patient enrollment.
The ad campaign also features street signs, including a yellow one that proclaims, "See the color of this sign? Yeah. That's what color your teeth are, you sicko." At the bottom, the signs and billboards tout the company's logo and phone number.
In addition to the signs, television and radio ads are also featured in the ad campaign. One such TV ad, which runs on MTV, vh1, and other youth-oriented channels, features an attractive young female, who walks on to the screen, addressing the viewer. "So you wanna have a perfect smile like Audrina Patridge or Paris Hilton?", she inquires. "You wanna have that perfect set of teeth like David Cook? Ha! Yeah, right! Have you looked in a mirror lately, you pathetic, ugly loser? You're a disgusting slob! Your teeth are so yellow, even I can tell! And I'm on the freakin' TV! Imagine how it must be for people everyday to have to stare at your disgusting mouth, you loser! You're so gross! I'm gonna barf my head off! Uuugh!" After she walks off the screen feigning barfing, the company's logo appears, while a middle-aged male voice says, "Smiling Stars. Come visit us today, because if you don't, you'll be a gross weirdo for the rest of your life. So c'mon down, you loser."
One of the radio ads also features a male voice, saying, "Are you tired of being ridiculed for your teeth? Are you tired of everyone around you being completely disgusted whenever you so much as freakin' open your dang piehole? Are you tired of those disgustingly hideous yellow chompers? Well, too bad, loser! That's your lot in life! Unless you come to 'Smiling Stars', where everyone's a star! Even gross sickos like you!"
"Why didn't we think of this before, instead of telling kids to just, like, floss and stuff?" Richards wondered.
"Whenever they were leaving, we coulda just, like, told them, 'Okay, remember... Nobody likes you, you disgusting loser. And it's all because of your horribly revolting teeth. So come back whenever you [darn] well can, you hear me, you [freakin'] loser?' Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before."