Local Dentist's Office Finds Success In New "Your Teeth Are So Disgustingly Yellow And Gross It Makes Me Wanna Barf" Advertising Campaign

MONTGOMERY, AL- Locally-owned dentist's office, "Smiling Stars", has reported phenomenal increases in revenue today, following the release of its new, "Your Teeth Are So Disgustingly Yellow And Gross It Makes Me Wanna Barf", advertising campaign.
"Why didn't we think of this before?", Dr. Stan Richards, Dds, said. "We've never had this many people come in before! It's like a dream come true!"
The campaign, which features billboards boldly proclaiming, "You know what? Your teeth are so disgusting, it makes me wanna barf looking at them. It's gross. Your teeth are so yellow, I thought you had replaced them with banana peels and corn. Yeah, I can't come up with good insults. But anyway. Yeah, they're that disgusting. You should really get them checked out, because they're so gross. And your breath smells like a freakin' wet dog, you sicko. You're a total loser. You're a sicko, you freakin' weirdo. Geek," and, "Don't ever smile at me again, you freak. It's disgusting," debuted last month, and the dentist's office that produced them has already seen a 40% increase in patient enrollment.
The ad campaign also features street signs, including a yellow one that proclaims, "See the color of this sign? Yeah. That's what color your teeth are, you sicko." At the bottom, the signs and billboards tout the company's logo and phone number.
In addition to the signs, television and radio ads are also featured in the ad campaign. One such TV ad, which runs on MTV, vh1, and other youth-oriented channels, features an attractive young female, who walks on to the screen, addressing the viewer. "So you wanna have a perfect smile like Audrina Patridge or Paris Hilton?", she inquires. "You wanna have that perfect set of teeth like David Cook? Ha! Yeah, right! Have you looked in a mirror lately, you pathetic, ugly loser? You're a disgusting slob! Your teeth are so yellow, even I can tell! And I'm on the freakin' TV! Imagine how it must be for people everyday to have to stare at your disgusting mouth, you loser! You're so gross! I'm gonna barf my head off! Uuugh!" After she walks off the screen feigning barfing, the company's logo appears, while a middle-aged male voice says, "Smiling Stars. Come visit us today, because if you don't, you'll be a gross weirdo for the rest of your life. So c'mon down, you loser."
One of the radio ads also features a male voice, saying, "Are you tired of being ridiculed for your teeth? Are you tired of everyone around you being completely disgusted whenever you so much as freakin' open your dang piehole? Are you tired of those disgustingly hideous yellow chompers? Well, too bad, loser! That's your lot in life! Unless you come to 'Smiling Stars', where everyone's a star! Even gross sickos like you!"
"Why didn't we think of this before, instead of telling kids to just, like, floss and stuff?" Richards wondered.
"Whenever they were leaving, we coulda just, like, told them, 'Okay, remember... Nobody likes you, you disgusting loser. And it's all because of your horribly revolting teeth. So come back whenever you [darn] well can, you hear me, you [freakin'] loser?' Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before."