Ask A First Grade Teacher

by Miss Robinson

Dear First Grade Teacher,

My husband is driving me nuts! Whenever I get dinner ready at 5:00, he's not there to eat what I've been slaving away at all day. Whenever we make plans to go out, he calls me saying he's got to postpone because he's going to be home late. And whenever he is around, all he wants to do is watch TV! He never wants to spend time with me! How can I get him to notice me?

-Frustrated in Ft. Lauderdale

Dear Frustrated,

Okay, class: 9+9 is what? Jimmy? What was that? Noo, not seventeen. You're close, though! Melissa! Uuu, so close! Johnny? Yes, that's right! Good job, Johnny! Now, who can tell me what this is? Jessy! Yes! Alright, Jessy! Way to go! I think she deserves a sticker for that, what do you think, class? Here you go, Jessy! Way to go! Alright, who can solve this one? Anybody? Drew! What was that? Oh, so close! Jake! Yeah! Good job!

Dear First Grade Teacher,

I love my friend a lot. But he just doesn't seem to understand that I need some personal space! Whenever I'm at home, he calls, asking if he can come over. Whenever we're at work, he tries to talk to me all day. I really like him as a friend. He's a cool guy. But how can I get him to understand that I can't talk to him all the time?

-Overwhelmed in Oshkosh

Dear Overwhelmed,

Okay! On to spelling! Who can tell me how to spell the word, 'dog?' Jimmy? No, not an a... Leslie! Yes, that's right! Okay! What about 'zebra?' Tommy! Alright! Yeah! Okay, here's a toughie: spell 'water!' Jimmy? Uu, almost! There's no i! Try again? Yeah! Good job! High five! Okay, on to another word... let's see here, 'car!' Joshua! That's right! You're so good!

Dear First Grade Teacher,

My boyfriend and I love each other very much. We were trying to resist the temptation to have sex before marriage. Unfortunately, we had a breakdown one day and failed to stay abstinent. Now I'm pregnant! Should we go ahead and get married? Or should we take our time?

- Surprised in Sycamore

Dear Surprised,

Okay, time for recess! Who's our line-leader today? Let's see... Jimmy! Alright, Jimmy, c'mon up here... What's that? No, you were the line-leader last week, Merissa. It's Jimmy's turn this week. I know, I know... you'll get another chance later on. Don't worry. Hey, you know what? You can be second in line! How's that sound? Huh? Yeah, get up there! Alright, has everybody got their snacks together? Oh, does anybody have an extra snack to loan Tommy? Anybody wanna share? Hmm? Awww, look at that!

Dear First Grade Teacher,

My parents are always coming over! No matter whether I invite them or not, they just seem to pop up at our house whenever they feel like it! I love my parents, but I'm a 43-year-old woman! It's getting almost unbearable. I can't stand it anymore? What do I tell them?

- Fed Up in Fargo

Dear Fed Up,

Oh, Johnny, don't do that! No, don't jump off the swing like that! You could hurt yourself! Next time, just get off, okay? Thank you. I don't want you getting hurt! Joey, why are you crying? What's that? Hang on, hang on... okay now, slow down and tell me what happened. Why did he do that? Timmy! Come here, please! Why did you push Joey off the monkeybars? Why couldn't you ask him to move? Next time, just ask him, okay? He got hurt, okay? We don't want him getting hurt! Okay, you two go play!

Miss Robinson is a North Dakota first grade teacher whose advice column, Ask a First Grade Teacher, runs in over 700 million newspapers nationwide.