Nation Wakes Up From Dream

UNITED STATES- The nation woke up today from a dream that had been continuing for several months now. Among other things, the dream included an economic crisis, the Phillies winning the World Series, and, in a grand finale, a black man being elected President of the United Sates. "Man, that dream was really freaky," US citizen Donald Trefino said. "I'm glad none of that stuff really happened."

The dream started with the warning signs of an economic crisis. After the stock market suffered intense losses, numerous other strange events happened, including the Tampa Bay Rays making it to the World Series, the Tennessee Titans going 9-0, and a climactic victory in the presidential election by Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL). "That was the scariest part," Maryland resident Dwight Patrick said, referring to the victory by Obama.

It only got weirder after the stock market collapse. The Tampa Bay Rays, who entered this season with an overall win-loss record of 645-972 in 10 seasons, made it to their first-ever World Series in the dream. Not only that, but the Phillies, who have not won the Series in 28 years, reached the Series and triumphed over the Rays. The Titans started 9-0, a feat that many football fans did not expect. "That part really weirded me out," said ESPN football analyst Ron Jaworski.

Finally, in a dramatic conclusion, a black man was elected President of the United States of America. Shortly after this was announced, the nation woke up from its horrific nightmare. "They announced the president, and then all of a sudden I jolted awake," said Phoenix, AZ resident Martha Butenhauer. "Then I realized it was all just a dream. Wooo, what a relief!"

After the nation woke up at 4 a.m. on Thursday morning, it checked its alarm clock. "What time is it?" said the country as it simultaneously checked the date and the time. It then turned on the TV to see if the dream's events had really happened. "Man, I'm glad that was just a dream," it said, after learning that everything was okay. "That was really weird."